Cowboy Ballad

{country n western gheeeetar intro music}


well, i am just cowboy
with rusted gun n spurs
i twist n turn at ev'ry noise
like doors or kitten purrs

ive been a nervy man now
for many many a year
it started when my mama
tried to strangle me with fur

my sweet old mama 'Creepy'
loved me best as she could give
but lost her mind one stormy day
when off ran my papa 'Sieve'

he took our best horse 'Francis'
coz the saddle was rigged up
and left me and ma $23 and cashew nuts
in a soiled egg-cup

the mailman brought a letter
saying pa had died at sea
he'd signed to the marine corp
coz the uniform was free

my dear ma read the note
and wept until her eyes ran dry
then she hit me with a pineapple
while crying "Why'd Sieve Die!"

that fateful attempted fur murdur
was only days away
i spent all my time with Playboy
and some tissue in the hay

well late one night i woke to find
my face all full of hair
i thought that it was miss july
and held on like a bear

the next time i awoke
i was on a bed in casualty
and mama was in a straight jacket
in loony ward 23

and from that day to this
the taste of fur makes me run cold
so i stick to eating nylon
or wool if im feeling bold

my dear old mama passed away
one gloomy autumn day
and i buried her in the back yard
beneath my magic hay

Dedicated to my Dear Old Mom, Creepy
"Gone, But Not For-Cotton"